if you live for the cheers, you'll die by the boos

and how living for external validation will make you internally lost

Growing up, I always looked for other people’s approval.

There was this phase in primary school I remember very clearly. I had gotten in trouble quite badly for dancing behind a teacher, and my dad didn’t let me play football for a long time. After this incident, I would go up to my teacher and ask her if I had done a good job. Each day I did this. I think it must have gone on for over a year. This was my way of trying to prove my worth.

I looked for validation constantly.

I only gave myself a pat on the back after someone else did.

And I’ve carried this over into my adult life.

In my previous romantic relationship, I was desperate for validation from my partner. To feel like I was enough for her. So I could know whether should be proud of myself. When everything was going well in our relationship, I felt good. As soon as I couldn’t please her anymore, I felt worthless.

In the end, I wasn’t living for myself. I was living for her cheers.

And when you live for the cheers, you will die by the boos.

Everything will come toppling down when you’re not living for yourself.

Living for external validation is a slippery slope which leads to an avalanche to sadness, suffering, and stagnation.

living for others will make you depressed

Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner – Lao Tzu

When you chase external validation, you become a short-term thinker.

You make decisions based solely on what’s going to bring you the most cheers in the short-run. You try and please everyone you meet because your sole priority is getting them to like you. This brings short-term happiness.

You temporarily feel better about yourself.

But living for external validation will create uncontrollable internal turmoil.

The unhappiest people are not living for themselves.

When you base your actions on what will make someone else happy, you forget to take care of the most important person in your life: yourself. You will struggle to find happiness because your thoughts, behaviours, and actions are directed towards putting a smile on someone else’s face.

The more time you spend pleasing others, the unhappier you become.

anchoring your actions to your why

When you know your why, you can endure any how – Viktor Frankl

In the end, it boils down to your motivation.

What drives you? Why are you doing this?

Everything you do in life is driven by a reason. A why.

If your why is to become popular, you will lose yourself.

Everything you end up doing is determined by what you think your crowd wants. When your crowd’s desires change, they will no longer support you. And then you feel lost because you chased something which would never last.

When you live for others, people stick around only as long as you can offer them something valuable.

But you’re going to run out of things to offer when your why isn’t yours to own.

You will no longer be able to please your crowd.

Everyone stops clapping. You’re surrounded by boos as people walk out of your life. And these boos are so loud because you gave your crowd so much power.

If you’re not doing something for yourself, life will be a constant struggle.

You must be internally motivated, rather than externally validated.

letting go of trying to please everyone

I learned long ago, you can't please 'em all, and it hurts tryin' - J Cole

Yes, I used a quote from the rapper J Cole because he always has amazing lyrics.

You don’t need to make everyone happy.

Trying to make every single person in your life happy is so hard.

It takes too much energy and time. By trying to please everyone, you lose yourself. More importantly, you lose the support and friendship of the very few people in your life who truly want the best for you (and trust me, there’s not many).

People who care about you don’t expect you to please them.

People who care about you only want your time.

People who care about you want you to be you.

You must live in alignment with your own beliefs.

When you do this, your crowd will be smaller to begin with.

And you’ll have less friends.

But these are real, authentic, true supports.

The claps may not be as loud, but they will be genuine, consistent, and uplifting.

Don’t try and please everyone else.

You’re going to be a very miserable, empty, and unfulfilled person.

be yourself — not who they want you to be

I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself
– Rita Mae Brown

After so many years, I realise I must do things for myself.

I don’t need to ask for anyone’s approval to feel good about what I’m doing.

If you base your actions on what’s going to make you liked by others, you are living a lie because you’re trying to please everyone else but yourself. Be selfish with your time, energy, and actions.

Do things for yourself, and give no time to people’s opinion of you.

When you do things for yourself, external judgement is no longer powerful. No amount of booing is going to make you question yourself. You are living for yourself. So the boos don’t extinguish your flame, they add fuel to it.

You submerge the external boos in the fresh air of your internal peace.

Live for yourself and unlock the power which comes with not caring about what people think of you.

Do things because you want to do them.

Filling up the room with people you don’t really know comes with pressure.

The louder the claps, the louder the boos.

Don’t let the boos break you.

Be yourself.

Stefano

~

What’s your experience with trying to make everyone else in your life happy? Did you actually become happy as a result? This is just my opinion, and I may be wrong. So, I would love to hear your answers in the comments! 

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