being alone is essential for personal growth

Solitude forces you to spend time with the real version of yourself.

Do you like who you are when you’re alone?

Most people are rather restless when they’re alone. You rely on relationships and external experiences for your happiness.

Relationships should enrich, and not replace, the relationship you have with yourself. The more time you spend with other people, the less time you have available to understand, love and be a friend to yourself.

Maybe you say I’m happy with who I am. I don’t need to spend time alone.

You’re comfortable, content, and confident in your own skin. But you’ve probably never taken the time to be alone to self-reflect. Most of us avoid self-reflection because it forces us to confront the unknown.

In the end, the only person who’s going to stick around for the entirety of your life is yourself. You should understand yourself. You’re all you have.

This is why being alone is essential for personal growth.

comfort of relationships vs challenge of solitude

Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self – May Sarton

Relationships offer comfort, warmth, and friendship.

Friendship is arguably the most important aspect of human life. Spending time with others gives life purpose. It’s enjoyable to be sociable. You may be someone who doesn’t like being alone. So relationships help you avoid yourself. You don’t have to confront who you really are.

You cultivate relationships to escape from your own inner turmoil.

At the opposite end of the spectrum is solitude.

Solitude has negative connotations. Prisoners locked away in solitary confinement end up going crazy. You’re not meant to spend your life alone. At the same time, some prisoners have revelations during their solitude. Malcolm X became a different person after he came out of prison.

Solitude forces you to think.

When a romantic relationship ruptures, people struggle and suffer because they’ve been shoved into solitutde. You can no longer escape through the other person. You’re all alone. And you’re forced to confront the situation on your own.

A relationship is counter-productive if you’ve never taken the time to understand yourself. Who are you? What do you want? How can you ensure you are choosing to be friends with the right people if you’re not even a friend to yourself?

your environment reflects your inner world

Men seek out retreats for themselves in the country, by the seaside, on the mountains. But this is altogether unphilosophic, when it is possible for you to retire into yourself at any hour you please. For nowhere, either with more quiet or more freedom from trouble does a man retire than into his own soul — Marcus Aurelius

We shouldn’t only consider the human aspect. What you experience on the outside is a direct mirroring of the inside.

If you’re constantly complaining about your external environment, you are suffering internally. I’ve been there before. I believed I needed to change my environment to fix my problems. But this is only a temporary band-aid.

The real problems are rooted within you.

I traveled to new places to distract myself.

No matter where you go, true peace and contentment will always flower within you. You carry your mind, thoughts, and baggage with you everywhere.

You cannot escape who you are.

You cannot escape your mind.

Spending time alone will help you find inner peace.

When you are at peace internally, you experience a deeper satisfaction and gratitude for your external environment. No matter where you are, and no matter the challenges you are experiencing in the external world, you should always be able to turn inwards and escape within yourself. You should be your home.

Nevertheless, travel is essential. You discover new cultures, meet new people, and experience new things. This can help you understand yourself better.

Your experience of the outer world is optimised if you spend time with yourself.

Learn as much about yourself as you possibly can.

hard work of self-improvement

The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates

Self-improvement typically happens when something unexpected in our external world occurs.

You’re slapped across the face and told to wake up. You’re reminded that circumstances are constantly changing. You are reminded you cannot control external events. Your best weapon to defend yourself against external turmoil is internal harmony.

Most people escape their inner world on the weekend.

An over-reliance on relationships can hinder your personal growth.

Becoming a better version of yourself is not meant to be easy.

Asking yourself questions which you’ve never really taken the time to reflect on, unearths answers which compound your inner turmoil. In an attempt to shut this down, you stop and seek distraction through others. It’s the path of least resistance. It’s the easiest in the moment.

But what’s easy now will force hardship, destruction, and confusion later.

You cannot escape yourself.

You can only delay the inevitable.

Ask yourself the tough questions now.

Don’t be afraid to make changes.

benefits of time alone

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with – Wayne Dyer

Spend time alone because it allows you to become a better version of yourself.

Being alone helps you become more comfortable in your own skin. You have clarity on the types of people and events you allow into your life. You eliminate the ones you don’t.

You no longer have to rely on friends to cheer you up.

You no longer need to depend on friends to make your life make sense.

You start becoming your own best friend.

You are happy when spending time alone.

But the biggest benefit of all is the freedom of dependence on others.

Your happiness and emotional well-being becomes your responsibility. You love yourself. When you begin to love yourself, your positive energy radiates throughout your life. People will feel it. Energy never lies.

When you take the time to love yourself, you become unrecognisable to the people around you.

At this point, it’s okay to start leaving people behind.

final thoughts

Time alone should not be avoided.

You spend most of your life with other people. When you do have the chance to be alone, you should cherish it. I spoke with a friend over the weekend, and she told me it’s sexy when men are comfortable being alone (Good To Know).

Solitude is a gift and should be utilised as a tool for personal growth.

It’s not something you should try and escape from as quickly as you can. Most people bounce around from one romantic relationship to the next because they can’t stand being alone. They are incapable of facing the questions it will force up.

Like all things, it’s important to start small.

I’m not suggesting you lock yourself in and cut off all your social interactions. But start making more time to be alone. And I mean really alone, not scrolling Instagram or reading a book.

Spend time with yourself like you would with a friend.

Talk to yourself if you want.

Nobody’s watching anyway.

You will grow if you spend time alone. As a result, you’ll have better relationships. And a better life. Take the time to understand your internal world so you experience the external world more fully.