why i've been sober for 43 days

and the importance of sticking to promises you made yourself.

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New Beginnings

July 1st, 2024.

It’s a memorable date to mark a couple of colossal changes in my life.

• My ex-girlfriend of 4 years decided she no longer wanted to be with me.

• I decided I would spend the foreseeable future sober.

I never wanted the relationship to end, but I truly believe that everything in life happens as it’s meant to. The break-up was required for me to rebuild myself into a person I would respect, admire, and love.

I love music.

Music is amazing when the lyrics are meaningful because they resonate with me.

There’s a lyric from a song I heard earlier this year, which I have been unable to get out of my head.

Inconveniences are hurdles, discipline jumps over, I wanna see how it feels to do 12 months sober — Russ

When I heard the song, I asked myself: What would it actually feel like to spend 12 months sober?

I’ve never been a big drinker. I rarely spent a weekend drunk out of my mind. But I did smoke marijuana for about 5 years of my life.

I’m not completely comfortable sharing that, but I must be honest. I’ve not been very honest with myself over the last 2 years.

Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others — Dostoevsky

Don’t lie to yourself, it’s the worst thing you can do. And it’s also the thing you probably do most.

Realising The Need For Change.

At first, I enjoyed smoking.

It was new, fun, and enabled me to see things from a new perspective. However, over the last 2 years, it became something I did out of habit.

Habits are not things we think about, they are automatic.

As the weekend approached, smoking was automatic. I smoked because I didn’t know what else to do with my time. I may as well have been high to take the edge off things.

I missed my family, I didn’t have many friends, and the city I was living in made me feel like I was suffocating. I felt trapped, alone, and depressed.

I wasn’t happy.

I knew there were pressing problems to deal with. I knew I had to confront them at some point, but I played them down.

I smoked to convince myself I was overreacting.

I forced myself to believe everything was okay.

I told myself things would fall into place.

But I knew I wouldn’t be able to confront my challenges without complete control over my consciousness.

The moment my girlfriend broke up with me, I knew I had to make a change.

How Am I Feeling About The Change?

It’s been 43 days since I’ve been sober.

I would be lying if I said everything makes sense and that I’m the happiest person on the planet. I am still navigating my way through the forest, but there is no fog clouding my vision.

I have clarity of mind. And clarity of mind fosters a clarity in direction.

I knew the breakup would be tough. But it’s been bearable because I’m not consuming anything that clouds my vision or gives me a false perception of reality.

I want to feel what I am feeling and be completely sober when I do. Otherwise, I can’t separate the real feelings with the fake feelings. The truth from the lies.

I don’t have to swipe at the fog to see through it.

The path is clear.

I went sober because I wasn’t in a good place.

The longer I neglected to confront that, the greater the build-up of pressure and the more catastrophic the eventual explosion.

Everything in life is determined by the mind.

It can be your strongest weapon.

But it can also be your most detrimental downfall if you are not steering your ship.

Don’t be like a drunken sailor during a storm.

It won’t end well.

The Importance of Sticking To Promises You Made Yourself.

Life is justly ordered. Every experience whether good or bad, is the equitable outworking of our evolved and un-evolved self — James Allen

I made this commitment to myself at the start of July.

There’s been plenty of times in my life where I said I’d do something. And I didn’t follow through.

That let me know I was incapable of controlling my thoughts, habits, and actions. Honestly, that’s one of the worst feelings for me.

There is nothing worse than failure as a result of my own lack of discipline.

If I am out with friends or family, they ask me if I want a drink.

I tell them no.

Just one, they repeat again.

I say no.

Come on, don’t be boring.

No.

If you can’t take yourself seriously, I promise you nobody else will. Your fragility will filter through very quickly. They may not see it. But they will most definitely feel it.

Energy never lies.

When I don’t stick to a promise I made myself, I feel a deep sense of disappointment. I can’t take myself seriously, I lose self-confidence, and I spiral.

Stay Light - Don’t Weigh Yourself Down

I hope that made sense.

I wanted to share that story because I must be honest. How I’ve dealt with the challenge has also helped me build confidence. I trust myself more.

If you’re in an unhappy place in life, the first step is to eliminate anything that doesn’t serve you.

It’s going to be hard.

But you need to look out for yourself.

Your friends and family will want the best for you, but they also don’t want to see you doing things that they don’t have the self-discipline to do.

The best way to move forward is to be as light and nimble as possible. The more you carry with you, the harder it will be to move through the fog. The less clear the path ahead will be.

And check out the song, may be a good one to add to your playlist.

Across the board I wanna set what my best is, I wanna prove it to myself that I can get this, tunnel vision. — Russ