The Unhappy Truth: How Neglecting My Emotions Nearly Destroyed Me

The last months of my life have been very unhappy. I neglected the presence of negative emotions, convinced myself that my feelings were not important, and did not allow them to enter my mind.

As a result, my mind was not able to play its true role. This created confusion, stress, and anxiety in my body, speech, actions, feelings and life.

If you have read a few of my articles by now, you may expect that I am a pro at being in control. I’m definitely not…

However, I know that my mind is my strongest weapon because it dictates every single aspect of my life - what I think, what I do, how I feel, my perspective and beliefs. Alternatively, our minds can be our biggest downfall.

There is good news though…

Control of the mind is a skill that can be honed by every person.

"Watch your thoughts, they become words;
Watch your words, they become actions;
Watch your actions, they become habits;
Watch your habits, they become character;
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."

I like the above quote because it shows the impact of the mind on every aspect of our identity. I purposely made the start and the end bold because it is true; what we think is who we become.

Not everyone is at the same stage of their journey in mind control.

It is my conviction that each person’s level of mind control is intricately linked to several factors, including information overload (social media and technology), habitual patterns (habits or thought behaviours that are ingrained in our psych), alcohol and drugs, lack of self awareness, and stress and pressure.

Mind Control → Self Awareness = Mindfulness

Everyone has heard the word, mindfulness. There are many varying definitions. For me, mindfulness refers to an ability to develop clarity of mind that allows us to have transparent insights into the true nature of reality.

Bear with me…

Mindfulness means being present in our thoughts and feelings. With this, we can look transparently into the true nature of our own reality.

But everyone things they live in the present, but very few people do. After I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, things began to click.

We may think we live in the present - but we are merely existing in the present and are passengers passing through our current reality. We bounce from one activity to the next without allowing ourselves to be immersed in the present.

Everyone has an aversion to inactivity, we feel like we need to be active. But are we really active if we scroll through social media and listen to music?

Living presently can also mean to do absolutely nothing. Sitting in silence helps us have full awareness of our feelings and emotions, of which humans have many…

Human emotions and mental states are like seeds

The Tibetan monk, Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a very compelling book called The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation. I read it last year and made many notes.

One of the key concepts that resonated with me related to gardening. I work in agriculture so this was particularly interesting.

According to Buddhist philosophy, everyone has Positive and Negative Seeds at birth. I like to think of these as human attributes.

• Positive Seeds → Compassion, Love, Generosity, Wisdom, Patience, Equanimity, Gratitude, Humility, Contentment and Mindfulness.

• Negative Seeds → Anger, Hatred, Greed, Ignorance, Jealousy, Pride, Attachment, Doubt, Fear, Lethargy

There are a few key points to note about the above picture:

1. The human mind consists of two layers. The Store Consciousness and the Mind Consciousness.

2. All of our seeds begin life in the Store Consciousness.

3. Once the seeds traverse the boundary between the Store Consciousness and the Mind Consciousness, the practice of mindfulness can help us deal with the seeds effectively.

The metaphor of the seeds can be used to illustrate how mental and emotional tendencies manifest in our lives. The deepest of these layers is the store consciousness; where all the positive and negative seeds are stored. When certain conditions are met, these seeds sprout and move upwards from the store consciousness into the mind consciousness. When they enter our mind consciousness, they are active and can override and impact our emotions, actions, and behaviours if we do not practice mindfulness.

Everyone has a garden and it is the responsibility of the gardener to tend to their seeds

To simplify this concept, we can use an analogy of gardening.

The store consciousness is a garden. Each Positive Seed and Negative Seed is planted in the garden and covered in soil.

The mind consciousness is the gardener. It is the gardener’s responsibility to tend to these seeds. While the gardener cannot choose whether the seed of anger of love is planted, they can decide how to manage the seeds. Whether the seeds are positive or negative, the gardener must pay attention to the seeds and manage them properly.

The experiences of our life is ingrained in each seed. For me, the seed of jealousy has been strong in the past. I often compare myself to others when I know I shouldn’t. It has become a repetitive and unhealthy habit because I have allowed the seed of jealousy to grow unchecked.

When the seed of jealousy arises in our mind consciousness, it is crucial to acknowledge its presence. We cannot ignore it. By accepting its existence, we can work through the problem. If we ignore the seed of jealousy, it will spread uncontrollably, much like a weed.

Only the owner of the garden can determine which of their plants thrive. By nurturing and watering the plants, the gardener can ensure that they grow healthy and strong.

If you've ever asked someone to care for your plants while you’re on holiday, you likely instructed them on how much water each plant needs and how frequently. Nobody else knows our plants like we do.

Similarly, our mental plants require our own attention, love, and consistent care to flourish.

Image created with DALL-E

But I can’t control my feelings of anger and jealousy because of my upbringing and the challenges in life I faced

If we allow the past to influence our present, the past will also dictate our future. I am not advocating that you should ignore the past. Rather, we must accept the past for what it is and reflect on it. If we do this, the seed has been treated respectfully in the mind consciousness. It can then descend back into the store consciousness where it gets weaker because of our mindfulness.

Just as a gardener waters the flowers but not the weeds, cultivate your positive qualities rather than your negative ones
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Slowing down and feeling

Everyone tries to build a barrier between the mind consciousness and the store consciousness. We do this by keeping our minds busy with all forms of consumption.

You are in the living room and distract yourself through consumption of television, music, social media, food, and drink. What we don’t want in the living room we bring down to the basement so it is no longer in our way.

Out of sight, out of mind?

But the best thing to do is to have things in sight, and in our minds. If we allow mindful mental formations to be touched, the energy created can help us realise the negative emotions we are facing and relief will follow.

If we suppress negative emotions, this will lead to confusion and a lack of clarity. While mastering the mind is a continuous journey, mindfulness is a powerful tool that can be utilised to develop clarity.

Nevertheless, mindfulness requires awareness of our thoughts and emotions. By cultivating the positive seeds and addressing the negative ones, we can influence our mental and emotional well-being. Just as a gardener tends to their plants, we must nurture our positive attributes and manage our negative tendencies.

If this was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, firstly sorry I am trying to improve my writing. But, still take these 3 things away:

1. Practice mindfulness to develop clarity and live in the present moment.

2. Recognise and manage thoughts and emotions to cultivate positive seeds.

3. Accept and reflect on the past to prevent it from dictating the present and future.

By tending to our mental gardens with care, we can foster a healthier and more balanced life.

Thanks to

Khadejah J

for motivating me to post even though this wasn’t perfect.

A note that I am still working through things. One thing I know is that writing has been my biggest release.

I hope you enjoyed reading :)

Stefano

P.S: The €1000 deal still stands if I don´t publish at least once a week. I just didn´t like having to wait till Saturday anymore.