please stop avoiding what matters to you

and why your choices define your life

---

If you don’t do what you promise yourself you will do, your life will be a never-ending rollercoaster of suffering. And I hate rollercoasters.

When you don’t take yourself seriously, a persistent pain stalks you everywhere. It’s the pain of knowing your life would be much better if you just did what you said you’d do. It’s the pain of knowing you would make progress if you took action.

Humans suffer because we prioritise the comfort of the present moment over the discomfort of taking action in the very same moment.

However, most people just can’t understand why you’d want to do hard things.

It doesn’t even enter most people’s minds. Why?

Because most people are not present.

So who suffers the most?

The people who care the most — the self-reflective and present people.

When you know what to do but still don’t do it — you have a very serious problem to solve. Please don’t ignore it.

imagine I started a year ago, my life would be so different right now

It’s so easy to say this.

And it’s normal to reflect on how different your life would be if you only started taking action on what’s important to you 365 days ago. I do this all the time. We romanticise it.

But life doesn’t work like this.

You are where you are because of the decisions you’ve made.

Even if you were dealt a bad hand, it’s your responsibility to play the game and trade the bad cards for better cards. The only way to have a more positive, fulfilling, and happy life is to play the game and correct course.

The only way to make progress is to do your best.

And the only person who is going to change your life is the person you stare at each morning and evening in the mirror.

Nobody is going to hold your hand.

Nobody is going to walk the path with you.

You will suffer regardless of what you do or don’t do.

So you may as well suffer by pursuing the meaningful things you’re avoiding.

The Art of Impossible is an incredible book, (if you haven’t read it yet, I’d highly recommend it if you want to figure out what you should be doing with your life).

the emotional toil of not pursuing true excellence is greater than the emotional toil of pursuing true excellence — Steven Kotler

Every time I read this quote, I interpret it differently.

Now, I read it as ‘be lazy if you want to’. I know being lazy is painful. I suffer.

The last thing I want from life is to grow old and reflect on the things I didn’t do. You never regret the things you did. You only regret the things you didn’t do.

And we all try and cover up our laziness with plasters.

We talk to family and friends about how we feel, and they tell us the same things: ‘You shouldn’t have any regrets’, ‘Be kind to yourself’, ‘Life could be worse’, ‘Be grateful for what you have’, ‘Take it one step at a time’.

If you want to make a change in your life, this advice is the worst advice anyone could ever give you.

It doesn’t motivate you to change.

It gives you a reason to remain the same.

It permits you to avoid the things which matter to you.

The only person who will suffer due to your inaction is you. Not the people who give you this advice. You will drag regret around wherever you go if you always avoid what’s important.

You suffer because you avoid what’s important to YOU.

you’re trying to fit a square inside of a circle

You suffer because there’s a mismatch between what you think and what you do.

It’s like trying to fit a square (actions) inside a circle (thoughts).

What you think is the ideal, best-case scenario.

You have thoughts about starting your own business, and they only remain thoughts. Your actions don’t line up with the way you think. And there’s tension.

You go to bed late and wake up late.
You only do things you’re comfortable doing.
You are too lenient on yourself and are not disciplined.
You tell yourself it’s too late to put in some work and that you’re tired.
You meet friends on the weekend instead of making your dream a reality.
You don’t make decisions because you’re scared of what you’ll have to do next.

You suffer if you try to stuff the square inside the circle.

And the only way you can live with yourself when your actions do not match your thoughts is by remoulding your thoughts. It’s by trying to make the circle a square so you can live with yourself.

Now there’s no friction between your thoughts and actions.

The discomfort of changing your actions was just too great.

You win right now, but you lose for life.

You sacrifice the things you want so you can live life in easy mode.

You don’t push yourself to improve.
You never prioritise the long-term.
You never say no to friends who want you to go out with them on the weekend. You never get up early to work while everyone is asleep.
You come home from work and launch yourself onto the couch and watch Netflix. You don’t leave the house when it’s sub-zero degrees to go for a run.
You stay under the blankets.

in the end, you will do what you want

My parents have always told me I’m stubborn. I like being stubborn. I want things to be how I want them to be.

And you should want the same for yourself.

Your life is in your hands.

Nobody is going to change your life for you.

But if you’re suffering right now, it’s because you’re avoiding something you should do. Only you know what that is.

If you do want to change, make the things you’re avoiding the #1 priority.

Disregard everything else which does not add value to your life.

Be very aware you will continue suffering if you don’t put in the time, do a half-arsed job, and are unwilling to make sacrifices for what you want.

I hope this was Good To Know.

Talk soon,

Stefano

~

---

💌 You’ll get an email from me once (or twice) a week. It just depends on how I’m feeling. Please subscribe if you’re serious about living a life you love.

🌱 Next, I would ask you to share this with any friends or family who may find value in reading this post.

🔍 Lastly, I would also appreciate it if you would leave a like or a comment, as it helps others find Good To Know on Substack!

---