Advice Addiction Robs You of Real Returns: Embrace Your Unique Path

Why you must stop looking for external solutions to internal problems. And how you can do this.

You spend 200 hours browsing YouTube, furiously making notes on how you can make money writing online.

Meanwhile, you still haven’t scribbled a single sentence. Or, you can plop yourself down in front of your computer and type. Test your thinking in real time on the internet.

Make a start. You’ll figure it out on your own.

I’ve finally realized that progress is made when I stopped looking to other people for my answers. No one will do the work for me. It starts and ends with me.

But humans are as lazy as a sloth on a Sunday morning. And you can’t get enough of distractions. A YouTube video or course programs your mind to believe you’re moving forward. Even when you haven’t done any work. Everyone wants a quick fix.

Sadly, there is none.

Your unique life demands unique answers. Only you can find unique answers.

You must stop looking for external solutions to internal problems.

Every single person experiences life differently. Isn’t it incredible how no two people have walked the same highway and left identical footprints in the road?

You grew up with experiences and circumstances that shaped who you are.

People give advice based on how they dealt with a problem in their life. They share their solution because it worked for them. They’re trying to help, I get that. But they’re also telling you what you want to hear. The broader the acceptance of their message, the bigger their bank balance.

I’m not saying that advice is awful, it can be amazing. I have certainly learned loads from people on the internet, even though they don’t know I exist.

But you cannot take advice from others as the total, unquestionable and gospel truth.

The advice given to you must be tested for yourself to validate if it applies to your unique circumstances. It may not be your unique solution.

I’ve found that’s the best relationship to have with advice.

However, there is no escape from doing the work yourself.

Kanye once said ‘you ain’t got the answers Sway’ in an interview. I laughed at him at the time. I finally realize he was right all along. No one has the answers to Kanye’s problems. No one has the answers to your problems.

Start running towards your fears. Or you’ll never catch them. Your answers will be lost forever.

I love analogies.

Imagine you are along a path. There’s a fear of yours 2 miles ahead. But there’s someone willing to give advice just 100 meters up the road. So, you go and explore that advice first.

The guru tells you what you want to hear, so you let your guard down. You tell yourself there is nothing to worry about.

Once you approach the fear, the advice you were given flies out the car window. In that instant, you cannot think about what guru told you. You must deal with the situation. Alone.

You must do the work. Do not look for the easy option. Run towards your fears.

Solving your own problems builds tremendous confidence. There’s great satisfaction in knowing that you dealt with something by yourself. You’ve found your personal blueprint. Congratulations.

Chase your fears because you will uncover the answers much faster.

Nobody is going to do the work for you.

Nobody has the perfect advice for you.

Nobody is going to show you the road.

Nobody is going to hold your hand.

Nobody is coming to save you.

Understanding extrinsic and intrinsic motivations.

Humans have extrinsic and intrinsic motivations.

Extrinsic Motivations → External - Examples: Money, fame and sex.

Intrinsic Motivations → Internal - Examples: Curiosity, passion, purpose, autonomy.

Research has shown that once extrinsic drivers start to fade, intrinsic drivers take over. Money is most important once you have enough to cover expenses and live a comfortable life.

In the corporate world, after a basic needs line is crossed employees want to be in control of their own time, they want to work on projects that interest them, and they want to work on projects that matter.

Here’s the combination of autonomy, passion and purpose.

Everyone wants to be enjoy their work, feel a sense of fulfilment, and live in alignment with their purpose.

I think society is reaching a point where people are getting sick and tired of their tiresome, dull, and flat 9-5 jobs.

Many of us are looking to answer the question, ‘What do I want to do with my life?’.

Your answer lies in your curiosity.

If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself — Rick Riordan 

There’s good news. The answers you’re looking for require two things.

• A growth mindset

• Identifying your curiosity

Someone with a growth mindset believes that their skill-set isn’t fixed. They know they can learn. Their potential is limitless.

LeBron was born with a growth mindset.

• He wasn’t born with a destiny to be the best basketball player of all time.

• He wasn’t passionate about basketball from the jump.

• He was prepared to step onto the court every day.

• He was curious.

Nothing is impossible with 10 years of practice

He got good because he pursued his curiosity.

Curiosity is critical.

And it’s clear that we all have it. But it’s up to us to identify it, explore it, and pursue it with every single ounce of energy in our bodies. That’s the only way you are going to finally figure things out.

Stop looking externally.

If you could live off your curiosity and make money - you would. And I know you can. Although I haven’t made a penny off it. Yet.

The most sustainable way to maintain long term happiness is to pursue your curiosity. Do what makes you happy.

Do what looks like work to others, but feels like play to you.

It’s something you need to figure out yourself. Not your partner. Not your dog. Not LeBron. You.

A good exercise for figuring out what’s going to keep you energized and motivated for life.

There’s a simple exercise you can do to figure all this out. It’s called your Massively Transformative Purpose (MTP), not MVP like LeBron.

It comes from Steven Kotler’s book, The Art of Impossible. Read the first two chapters of the book. Chapter 1 is groundwork. Chapter 2 will walk you through the process of finding your MTP.

• Write down 25 things you are curious about. Be as specific as possible.

  • By curious, it’s things that you wouldn’t mind spending your evenings reading up on and getting more informed.

• Write down 10 things you would like to see solved in the world.

  • These need to be very challenging goals, such as cleaning the ocean of plastics.

• Check for overlaps between your curiosities and the problems you want to solve.

That’s not the comprehensive exercise. You need to read the book.

It delves into topics of pursuing your curiosity because that’s going to keep you motivated. There is chemistry behind this, as more dopamine is released when you are doing things that really keep us engaged.

Read the book. You won’t regret it!

Curiosity into passion, passion into purpose, purpose into patient profit.

Thanks for taking the time to read, it means a lot to me!

Let me know your thoughts on the below? Do you agree, disagree, or approach the problem differently?

~ Stefano